Joy in the Journey

You guys, I am officially 38 weeks pregnant! When I tell others how close I am, they usually respond with, "Wow, that went fast!". In response I usually think, Fast for you, maybe! Does anyone else feel like the first trimester of pregnancy takes a year and a day, the second trimester may pass in normal time, but the last trimester is another year and a day? At least until you get to 38 weeks and realize you only have two weeks left to get that mile-long To-Do-Before-Baby List done. Yikes! There is so much to do! And it's so hard to get just the basics done. At least it is for me. Aside from the hernia issues, I am just plain tired and HUGE. At this point in gestation, the baby could gain up to half a pound a week and I have no idea how my belly could possible get stretched any further. My belly button is officially flat, lol. This is also such an uncertain time for me. I've had three labors that began with my water breaking and two where my water broke just before ba...

A few years ago, I was in the worse pain of my life (outside of childbirth, of course). I was the victim of a botched hernia surgery and I still had a partially open hernia on the other side. My doctors and insurance were giving me the run around and I had no idea when, or even if, I could expect relief. I had four young children to care for and was waitressing during the busiest time of the year. Oh, and my husband was out of town. He was out of town to go to a Christian conference. We had talked over him going beforehand, of course, and I had agreed that he should go. He felt really led to this conference and it was literally a life changing experience for him so I am so glad he did attend. That didn't make single parenting in my condition that week any easier, though. I had help with babysitting the kids when I worked and even a few hours during the day a few of the days, and that helped. But the pain was still so, so intense. It brings tears to my eyes just remembering it. My h...

 So, I’m pregnant! Baby number six is on the way. When this post is published, I will be almost 12 weeks into my pregnancy.  But this post isn’t about having more babies. It’s about nursing my toddler. Have you ever nursed while pregnant? I have. Baby number 3 was only 12 months old when we got pregnant with baby number 4 so I nursed him throughout the pregnancy. It was not an easy thing to do. Breast tenderness during the first trimester is a real thing, and even happens when you are breastfeeding. Then at 13 weeks I got a huge surge of milk. I was excited! I had read that a percentage of women lose their milk during pregnancy and I really wanted to nurse my little guy to as close to two years as possible. But by 14 weeks my milk had pretty much disappeared.  Let me tell you, dry nursing is no fun. At least it wasn’t for me. I found it very challenging. My skin only likes so much physical touch and I really felt touched out by it. But my toddler was content with just dry...

When I was pregnant with my youngest, our long waited for son, I would pray over him and who he'd become. I prayed that he would love God more than life and live a life full of love and light. I pray this for all my children, but there was a special prayer that I prayed especially for him... even before he was. Before he was every created, ever conceive, I prayed this baby would bring joy .  Then, he was. He was conceived and growing inside me, heart forming and beating, ears forming and hearing, fingers, toes, hands, and legs moving, ever part of him carefully crafted in secret (Psalm 139:15). He was and immediately he brought joy to us. Joy that he was alive and growing inside me. Joy over the anticipation of meeting him. Joy that the long night of  infertility grief was being lifted. Joy! Then he was born and it was clear that my prayer that he'd bring joy was more than fulfilled. Not only was he such a gift just have here, but he also loved people and smiling a...

My youngest child just turned two. As I reflected on his birth and him coming into our lives, I thought also about how my older two came. I thought about how my experiences with bonding and "falling in love" with my kids were all different. I remember my first child, and how I was just swept away with love. I was overcome. I remember realizing "I'm in love with this little girl". I remember being distraught when I was away from her and elated when I got to be with her. I remember it was intense and loud and full of fireworks. My other daughter I remember it being a slower process. It wasn't fireworks and instantly falling in love. I liken falling in love with her more like the current of a river. A current is steady and it moves you, before you know it you are downstream. Falling in love with my second child felt more like that. I remember one day just looking at her and thinking she was the most beautiful girl on earth. Then came my baby, my f...

I was a young child when my family (of six) got our first dog. I remember that day all so clearly! My dad took us four kids to a nearby town to pick up a puppy. A Heeler puppy from a farm with a yellow house. We drove up the long, dirt drive and went to the barn to see these cute speckled puppies. We picked a blue one and headed home to "surprise" my mom... Who was surprised because she hadn't been consulted first! We loved  having a dog! She was sweet, energetic, and smart. She grew into a medium-sized dog with blue spots and a dark snout. Her name was Blue Bella for Blue Beauty.  Photo Credit:  https://animals.desktopnexus.com/ When Blue Bella was grown we decided to breed her. We had her go to be bred and brought her home pregnant. We kids were SO excited! Puppies were coming! This was going to be amazing! Our sweet Blue Bella gave birth to puppies (I can't remember how many but I know it was a lot). They were so little and their puppy squeaks ...

I've shared a little bit about my husband and my infertility story  (see those blogs  HERE ) . It's never an easy thing to talk about but I did say I'd try to share more of our story. The last part of the journey I shared with you was finding out there was no hope, nothing left, we were never going to get pregnant without help. A year passed between that time and when we got pregnant (three months into infertility treatments). Today, I wanted to share that part of our story. It was our third cycle, third try with treatments. This cycle felt perfect, was going perfect, and I had a deep sense that this was it ! I felt peace, I felt that this was our baby, even before I found out if it really was or not. 9 DPO (days past ovulation) I told my husband I felt like this was it. I told him to remember this moment and to remember me telling him I felt this was it for when we found out. God had just given me this complete assurance, and since I'd felt that assurance in t...

I’m tired. I’m 33 weeks pregnant and this baby is getting bigger and taking a lot of energy to grow. My pain level has been higher the last couple weeks, too, which is exhausting by itself. I’m teaching a crochet class twice a week, which has been very fun and enjoyable, but is another thing that fills my schedule.  And then there are the many trips to ballet class. The girls are preparing for a show, and the studio is an hour drive from our home, so I’m spending a lot of time on the road and away from home right now… I am tired, but I am so thankful!  I get to have another baby! I wasn’t sure that was ever going to happen again because of my health struggles, but it is! And I know that this little one will be worth all the pain and exhaustion. I cannot wait to look into his precious face! I’m thankful that my condition is not something that threatens my life or the life of my baby in any way. It could be so much worse! The pain is hard to bear, but ...

Today I am officially 30 weeks along in my pregnancy with Asher Lee. It’s kind of crazy that in 10-12 weeks I will be meeting my little boy! When you first take that pregnancy test (for me it was always around 4 weeks), it seems like 36-38 more weeks is FORVEVER. Then you blink and you are almost there.  I don’t do pregnancy gracefully. With my first I gained way too much weight, which resulted in raising my blood pressure. And the varicose veins started popping out. With my second baby I actually started getting blood clots in the veins and had to spend a lot of my third trimester with my feet up. I ripped a hernia open when I was pregnant with my third and still had that open hernia and another one trying to open when I was pregnant with my fourth. With this pregnancy I still have that partial hernia and pain from a botched hernia repair to deal with. Of course, the miracle of life growing inside of me far overshadows these difficulties, and I’m so thankful for t...

Dear New Mom PART 1 Inspired by my two friends that just became moms. Dear New Mom,   I want you to know that you are incredible!! Whether you motherhood journey started through pregnancy, labor and delivery, adoption, fostering, or any other way, you are incredible! You are an amazing Mom! You are loving on your baby and you are working for his or her best. You are giving of yourself. You are growing, your child is growing and that is a wonderful, beautiful thing. Dear New Mom, It's hard but you've got this! You are stronger than you ever thought you could be. You will function on less sleep than you thought possible. You will do more in all these little moments then you realize. You are building a strong foundation for your child as you love and care for them. Hold them, snuggle, feed, sing, laugh, smile, and enjoy this beautiful treasure that has been gifted to you.  Dear New Mom, You have what it takes! Trust your instincts, do what you feel is best for y...