Ticking Time-Bomb

You guys, I am officially 38 weeks pregnant! When I tell others how close I am, they usually respond with, "Wow, that went fast!". In response I usually think, Fast for you, maybe!

Does anyone else feel like the first trimester of pregnancy takes a year and a day, the second trimester may pass in normal time, but the last trimester is another year and a day? At least until you get to 38 weeks and realize you only have two weeks left to get that mile-long To-Do-Before-Baby List done. Yikes! There is so much to do!

And it's so hard to get just the basics done. At least it is for me. Aside from the hernia issues, I am just plain tired and HUGE. At this point in gestation, the baby could gain up to half a pound a week and I have no idea how my belly could possible get stretched any further. My belly button is officially flat, lol.

This is also such an uncertain time for me. I've had three labors that began with my water breaking and two where my water broke just before baby was born. So when I'm at any meeting or event, I keep asking myself, What would I do if my water broke right now? And running through different scenarios. I have never had a baby before my due date, but this is my sixth birth, so who knows how it will go? If you see me in real life and I seem a bit spacey, please forgive me. I have birth on the brain. 

This is one way that I am somewhat envious of women who have scheduled c-sections (probably the only way, I would hate to have to recover from a c-section!): they know exactly when their babies are going to be born. I doubt they have the ticking time-bomb feeling that I have right now. I just feel like everyone who looks at me wonders when I'm going to go off.

I'm also having to fight lots of doubt and worry. I have been through unmedicated labor and delivery five different times, and yet I still wonder if I am strong enough to do it again. And there are always the worries about the baby that I think every mama struggles with. The ultrasounds all looked great, but not everything can be seen on an ultrasound and there are some scary things that can happen during delivery, too. And breastfeeding...will I have another jaundice baby and/or one that struggles with latch?

There are so many things I could choose to worry about, but I keep thinking about the words of Jesus:

I don't know about you, but the fact that my worrying will not fix anything helps me to let go of it. I can think and brood and fret nonstop from now until the baby is born (and beyond) and it's not going to change a single thing. Except I will be very tired and a nervous wreck. Not the way to go about it!

I'm not sure what is troubling your heart and mind right now, mama, but I want to encourage you to let it go. Give it to God. He says, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28). He wants to take all of the load from you. He doesn't want you to carry the things that might be, the things that are beyond your control. It is for freedom that Christ has set us free! (Galatians 5:1) Be free, mama!

Love and prayers,

Lee