Why Does This Have to Be So Hard?

 “I can’t let boys who don’t listen come shopping with us next time, are you ready to listen?”

“I’m waiting to give you your food until you can ask nicely.”

“I know you don’t want to hold my hand, but it’s my job to keep you safe and I can’t bring your places if you don’t act safe.”

“Try again"…"Try again"…

Does your brain ever feel just so exhausted by all the strategic thinking that parenting requires? Do you ever get tired of saying the same thing over and over again? 

Those were a rhetorical questions, I know that if you are a parent you know exactly what I mean. 

The above quotes were recorded during just one shopping trip with my youngest, who is a very strong-willed individual. I don't know if it is because he is the youngest of six or it's just in his DNA, but this boy's happiness is fueled by the power of choice. And I try to let him have as many choices as he can (within healthy boundaries), but man, it can be so taxing on this mama's cranium to come up with acceptable options for him to choose from CONSTANTLY. And I just wonder why he feels like he has to fight so much.

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of situations where I answer, "I give you lots of choices about lots of things, you don't get to choose this time." And he usually accepts them. But there are other times when he goes bull-dog on me, and I wonder, "Why the heck is THAT the hill he wants to die on???" Then I remember that he thinks as a child, and to a child that "hill" is the most important thing in the world.

It really makes me think of the story of Gomer and Hosea. If you aren't familiar with the story, Hosea is a prophet during Old Testament times and he is told by the Lord to marry a prostitute and bring her out of her lifestyle and into his home. He does and they have children, and then she leaves her family and goes back to her life of prostitution. It baffles me. As far as the standards of a woman in that culture in those days, she had it made. She had a home, children, and a husband who would care for her (who had been directly instructed to care for her by God!). And yet she chooses to return to her former life. Was she, like my son, strong-willed and didn't feel like she had enough choices in her life with Hosea and was fighting for more? Can the consequences of making such a bad choice really be worth having the power to choose? 

Because the way Hosea treats Gomer is a picture of how God feels about Isreal (and I believe each one of us), he goes and pays for her to exit her life of prostitution and brings her back as his wife. And, as far as we know, she stays. I hope her heart was really changed this time!

I think that two of the most beautiful verses in the book of Hosea are verses 2:6 and 2:14:

"Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes; I will wall her in so she cannot find her way." Hosea 2:6

"Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her.", Hosea 2:14

The first is about how God sometimes has to bring hard things in our lives to funnel us into the right direction.

"You want to go that way? Sure, try that. Didn't work, huh? That other way isn't working either? Hmmm, maybe you should try the way I said to go, how about that? That is working??? Imagine that..."

The second reminds me that sometimes God brings us into a place of lack and chaos and even danger so that we realize we need to draw closer to Him. And when we turn to Him, instead of giving us the cold shoulder because of our bad choices, He "speaks tenderly" to us. What a beautiful picture of an intimate and loving God.

Somehow, knowing that God has to strategic parent me helps me feel a little less discouraged about all the effort it takes to strategic parent my children. Knowing that I am loved and adored by Someone who works really hard to guide me in the right direction encourages me to keep up the good fight to bend my son's strong will in the right direction as well, so he can use it for good. Because it really is a strength that God can use to do mighty things. 

"As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him; for He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust." Psalm 103:13-14

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God!" 1 John 3:1

I hope today, dear mama, that you feel encouraged is keep up the good fight. Even though it is so exhausting and often feels in vain, it's really not. You have been given a glorious mission in raising God's children for Him and to point them to a life of relationship with Him. That is hard but illustrious calling. You have the Lord's help in all of it. You've got this!

Much love,

Lee