When I Saw It, I Burst into Tears

This photo looks like many spots that you find in the mountains in the rural area that I live, but when I drove up on this old landing this morning, I burst into tears.

I’ve been trying to get a chance to go up into the mountains by myself for a while. It’s deer hunting season, and I used that as an excuse, but really, I just needed some time to myself. I tried last week but it didn’t work out. With soccer six days a week, September and October have been crazy busy and I haven’t had much alone time. Apparently I have needed it.

This morning I did the dishes, popped the bread into the oven, and kissed the boys goodbye. A wonderful part of having teenagers is that they are mature enough to watch their younger siblings for a few hours. I didn’t originally intend to go to the spot in the picture above, but that is where I ended up and I guess the Lord knew it was where I needed to be.

October has become a hard month the past few years. Although I am blessed to get to celebrate two of my children’s birthdays this month, I also pass the anniversary of two miscarriages (2023 and 2024). And I desperately miss my dad! Deer hunting and processing game are some of the dearest memories I have with him. He loved it. I loved spending the time with him. 

My dad and I the day I got my first buck. He showed me up by shooting a nice 3-point just after I got this little forked horn.

The only days I skipped school were when I went hunting with my dad. I remember the smell of his truck, watching the sun rise over a clearcut together, sneaking through the forest and sitting quietly in the oaks. I remember him praising God every time we were successful, which was surprising and touching since he didn’t go to church for most of my life. 

When I drove up to that landing today, I think the loss and sadness just hit me and, because I was alone, I was able to ugly cry and sob it all out. That landing was the last place my dad, mom, and I cut wood together. I think it was the last time we were ever in the mountains together. He was pretty weak and on oxygen at the time and could only run the little saw, but we had all worked together, like we had so many times before. Near the end of his life he told my mom that some of his favorite days were when we would go woodcutting together (my parents have only ever had wood heat). Those are some of my favorite memories, too.

It’s a reminder to me that the memories that we and our children will fondly cherish are really the simple ones. Sure, the big trips will stand out, but the foundation for that fun is built in the every day. Goofy conversations in the car, piling onto the couch, time in nature together, playing card and board games. None of it very expensive but all of it being time together and therefore making it extremely valuable.

I guess I am sharing this post with you to remind you of that and to encourage you to take time for grieving. We are all grieving something and sometimes we just have to take time alone to do it. Our spirits need it and it makes us better for our people. 

Lots of love,

Lee