A Closer Look

 

I've struggled with my weight since I was 12. There have been some years where I was able to slim down, but it's safe to say that I have been considered overweight or obese most of my life. I don't need to describe how that feels, if you have been there, you know.

Two years ago I injured my knee during fair week. I'm a superintendent for the open class Creative Arts department, and, thankfully, I was able to complete my duties with a bum knee but I went to see the doctor as soon as I could.

The knee I injured had been a weakness for a while. It's no surprise because I spent years putting the majority of my weight on it because of compensating for the pain of the hernia on the other side of my body. The doctor prescribed a knee brace, but she said the best thing I could do for my knee was lose the weight. 

As if I didn't know that. As if that wasn't what I was praying for and working towards. As if I wasn't constantly dealing with the frustration of gaining and losing the same five pounds over and over and over and over again.

She didn't ask me what I was eating every day. She didn't ask me how active I was (or address the pain that often limited my activity). She didn't ask if I had any emotional hang-ups about food or order any bloodwork to see if there was possibly a reason why I have almost always had trouble losing weight. She just told me that I needed to lose the weight and shamed me by saying that she had a knee brace on hand but she wasn't sure it would even fit me. The knee brace did fit, and I left as soon as I could, feeling very defeated and downhearted. 

Fast forward to two years later. It's July again and I am still superintendent over Creative Arts and I am performing my duties with almost no pain at all (a big victory!). I turned 40 in March, and since that birthday I have lost 1/3 of my weight loss goal (most of it in the past two months). 3 inches off my waist and 5 off my hips! What changed? Well, first some emotional and spiritual breakthrough regarding food (thanks to the book and study guide of Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst), but also, I finally got in to see a doctor that tested my thyroid and found that I have hypothyroidism. This test result really isn't surprising (I have been suspecting it for quite a while) because it runs in my family. You know those forms you fill out about family history at the doctor's office? Yep, it's on there. And yet none of the doctors that I have seen have ever had me tested. I've spent years struggling when a simple pill and more information about how my body works could have helped me be healthier. 

I can't go back and change the past. However, it is heartbreaking to think that my five miscarriages may have been avoided if my body had been working properly. There is no way to know that for sure, but it is very sad to think of. I miss those babies!

This is all such a good lesson for me, though. I have never really been very good at advocating for myself. At that doctor's appointment 2 years ago, I let shame keep me from asking for help. Probably had something to do with the fact that the doctor didn't exactly feel approachable, but I feel like it also had something to do with my lack of self-worth. If we don't value ourselves, we don't think that we are worthy of getting the help we need. So we don't ask. And as a result, we suffer. I'm tired of suffering.

It's also a lesson in just taking the time to dig deeper, past surface appearances, to find root answers. Is your child acting up? Is your husband feeling distant? Is that friendship not feeling quite the same? Is someone who's in authority over you (a boss or church leader) acting stand-offish? Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to show you what is really going on. 

My encouragement to you is to not be afraid to have hard, honest, conversations. Whether it's about your physical, emotional, relational, or spiritual health, it's important to dig deeper and find answers. And don't give up or give in until you find those answers!