Faithfulness

God loves you no matter what you’ve done.

These are words I would say to anyone at any time, because they’re always true. But I’m going to confess something to you: I don’t really believe them. 

Don’t get me wrong, I believe them about you. About myself, however, I may speak them but I’m not sure that I truly believe them. 

Isn’t that awful? I think it’s a terrible thing. One of the fruits of the spirit is faithfulness; we know that God is faithful. It says it over and over again in the Bible, there are so many verses to prove it, but when it comes to me and my failures, I honestly have trouble believing it.

Many would probably say that my struggles aren’t really that "bad". I was parked at the beach the other day and I happen to witness a very sad scene. I’m not sure if the lady who I’m going tell the story about was the grandmother or the mother, (maybe she was raising her grandchildren?). Anyway, she had two kids with her  (probably ages 11 and 8) and she was meeting who I think must be her daughter who also had children and they were going to the beach together. But one of the children that she brought in her car made the enormous mistake of forgetting something at home. (We’ve all experienced this1 million times, right mamas? I’ve even had kids forget to bring their own shoes on a long distance trip!) This child had forgotten something that belonged to the lady (I think a pair of shorts) and she chewed him out using the foulest language. A few minutes later, she was yelling at the other child as well and had her crying.

I’m not trying to judge this lady, I hope you see my heart, but the scene just about brought me to tears. I was so sad for these children who have to hear these things all the time (if she would shout these things at them in public, what must she say to them at home?). I was so sorry for this woman who must be so hurt and who probably had these kind of things said to her her whole life. Hurt people hurt people. I've been praying for her and her family ever since.

If this woman were to repent and want to change, I would totally tell her that God loves her and forgives her and will remember her sins no more. 

But I do not give the same speech to myself? No. When I lose my temper or am impatient with my children, I instead totally condemn myself. Even though I know in my head that there is not supposed to be any condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Even though I also know in my head that God is faithful to forgive sins and removes them as far as the east is from the west, I think I have a hard time believing that God forgives me. Probably because I don't forgive myself.

When I was at Goodwill a few weeks ago, I picked up the participant’s guide for Made to Crave, a book and video series put out by Lisa Terkeurst. Somehow, when I saw that book on the shelf, I just knew it was going to bring me the answers I have needed to finally get me successful in my health journey.

And I was right. I ordered Made to Crave and the video series and have been working through the books for only a week and already am feeling so much better. This book isn't about a specific diet, it's about the emotional and spiritual issues that hang us up in our health journey. This was the missing piece I needed because suddenly I'm able to resist the temptations that try to pull me away from my eating plan. 

You want to know a big part if the reason why? I have stopped condemning myself. For a while now I have been trapped in the vicious cycle of choosing to eat something off my eating plan, condemning myself for it, and then going for something else off the plan to comfort myself, and then condemning myself all over again...wash, rinse, repeat...

This cycle applies to my parenting, too. I lose my patience, get mad at myself for losing my patience, get depressed for being such a bad parent, get impatient with the children again because I'm wrapped up in all these negative emotions about myself and their behavior is just a reminder of how bad of a parent I am...you get the picture. Maybe you have been there, too? 

Let's break this cycle, mamas.

To err is human. That's not a direct quote from the Bible, but the story of David proves it. He messed up in so many ways: adultery, murder, bad parenting to name just a few. But he was a man after God's own heart, and God forgave him when he asked for it. God forgives us, too. 

Let's forgive ourselves. Let's learn from our mistakes and move on. Let's not get stuck in this cycle that takes us nowhere but down. If we have the Holy Spirit, we have the power to overcome. If we have the love of God, we have the power to forgive when we make mistakes. If we have the words of Jesus saying, "Your sins are forgiven. Go, and sin no more.", let's actually listen to Him! We have everything we need. 

 

Much love, mamas!

Lee