A Scary Morning
First off, mama, I want you to click on this link and watch this video:
Isn't that just the cutest??? I've seen it a few times over the years, but it makes me smile and tear up every time. My husband shared it in church yesterday, and it effected me even more than usual. Especially at the very end when one of the wisemen says, "He's going to be our best friend." I just started bawling after that.
To explain my tears, we need to rewind to earlier that morning. It was a normal Sunday morning, which means it was crazy, since that is normal for me. I had the boys all dressed and threw the pancakes on the table for them to eat. My bedroom is on the opposite side of the house and I went there to dig through my clean laundry and rustle up an outfit for myself. I decided it would be more productive to actually fold and put away the laundry while I was doing that and started the task. The boys had been playing Christmas music in my room and I turned it off so I could hear them through my open bedroom door. I think my plan was to nag them to focus on their eating, but whatever the motivation, I am so thankful that I turned off that music!
The sounds coming down the hallway were rather silly. The boys were tell each other jokes and laughing as they ate. I remember shaking my head and thinking, They aren't very focused!
Then I heard something else, something no mama ever wants to hear: "He's choking!"
From the sound of my oldest boy's voice I knew it was serious and rushed down the hallway. My three-year-old was indeed choking. I put my left foot on the bench and flipped his chest against my thigh and banged on his back with my right hand. I thought I heard him breathe but when I flipped him back upright his airway was still blocked.
"Oh God, it's not moving! Please move it!" I cried and flipped him back down again, thinking that I would need to have my son call 911 while I tried the Heimlich next if these back blows didn't work. I was about to speak when I suddenly smelled vomit. I have never been happy to smell that smell, but I sure was this time! There was a lot of coughing and sputtering that followed, but my son was breathing. I calmly instructed my boys to finish their breakfast and then walked back to my room and completely lost it.
That's how I am. I remain pretty cool and collected during a crisis, but then the shock of it all hits me afterward and I fall apart. Even over 24 hours later, I'm still a mess over it. The shaking and crying has stopped but my heart and mind can't stop thinking of the what-ifs. I'm not going to torture you by listing them. I'm just going to say that I am so, so thankful that my sweet boy is not gone from this world forever. His smile, his laugh, the glimmer of mischief in his eye, will continue to bring joy to those who love him. He is such a blessing.
Back to the "He's going to be our best friend." quote. When I heard that during church yesterday, I just couldn't contain my gratitude.
I have been blessed with many friends. My husband is a great friend and partner, but he wasn't there when our son was choking. My mom is one of my best friends, she wasn't there. My daughters are a huge help to me but they were in their bedrooms getting ready and didn't even know what was going on.
The only One who could help me in that moment was the Friend that sticks closer than a brother. And the amazing thing is, even if God had not moved that piece of pancake from my son's airway (which I totally believe He was responsible for doing), He would have still been there with me. Through the horror that yesterday could have been, He would have been holding me through it.
Thinking about how my morning could have went yesterday is heart-wrenching. But knowing that God would have been with me through it all is so comforting.
His love for us is so big, mamas. He is with you. Call to Him and cling to Him. Jesus came to this earth so He could be your friend, to wipe away our sins so we can be close to God. That's what Christmas is all about. Don't forget that, mama! He wants to be close to you.
Much love,
Lee
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