All Things???

It has now been three weeks since my son's surgery. If you don't look too closely at his belly button, you wouldn't even know that he was recovering from surgery (it was done laparoscopically through the belly button). He was walking completely upright and not needing pain meds by day four. As soon as he got the go ahead, he was swimming in the creek and running and jumping on the trampoline with all the other kids.

It is so wonderful to see, and I am so thankful.

But part of me is angry.

You see, I also had a laparoscopic hernia surgery. It was four years ago. I woke up from the surgery in pain and have been in pain from it ever since.

Now some of the pain was reduced by a surgery I had at the beginning of this year, and I am very thankful for that. But the second surgery wasn't completely successful. And I don't understand why it has to be this way!

If this verse is true, where is the good in this?  Does God want me to be in pain? These are questions that I have struggled with a lot since the first hernia opened up, 7 years ago (insurance wouldn't fix the hernias for 3 years). 

It's not like I don't have faith in God. From the moment I ripped open the first hernia, I have believed with my whole heart that God could miraculously sew it right back up. I still believe that He could take this pain away with a snap of His fingers. Why hasn't He? I don't know.

The world is in pain right now. A lot of pain. Our country was already feeling divided, but with all that has gone on the past few months, it feels to me like it could very easily be torn apart. It's scary and heartbreaking. Why is it happening? I don't know.

It's so easy to focus on all that is going wrong in the world and in my personal life. But does it do any good? Job spent a lot of time doing that. His friends spent a lot of time trying to figure it all out, too. In the end of that long Bible book, God's answer was basically: I'm God, you're not.

I don't know why all this is going on. But I do know who God is, because I have a personal relationship with Him. Doesn't mean I totally understand Him. But that is ok. Because I TRUST him.

I don't know what you are going through, mama. I don't know if you have a relationship with God. But I do know that it is easier to go through it if you have HOPE. Find some hope to cling to. It may not immediately change your circumstances, but it will make it easier for your heart to bear them.

Love and blessings,
Lee