Pathetic
Just a few minutes ago I was standing in the middle of my garden with the baby on my hip and my two little boys with me, and I was crying. Bawling, really.
"What's wrong, mommy? Why are you crying?"
I was crying because I was trying to pull up kale. And it hurt. It hurt too much to continue. But the pain wasn't the main reason for my tears. It was the frustration. The intense anger at the fact that I am so physically pathetic right now that I can't even pull up kale.
Just so you get the full picture I will disclose that the kale plants are almost as tall as I am and most of them have stocks that are at least four inches in diameter. Every fall I let the kale grow like crazy in my garden. We eat off it throughout the winter and spring and then it goes to seed and I pull it up right before planting my new garden. Keeps the weeds down, too.
So these plants are admittedly huge. But still! I'm 35 years old, I should be able to work in my own garden. I should not be dependent on my mother, who is coming over to help later, to get my garden in for me. At this stage in life I should be the one helping her with her garden! It's so, so frustrating.
I'm not trying to sound like an ungrateful whiner. Yes, I know things could be a lot worse. I'm not in a wheelchair or fighting cancer or struggling with infertility or mourning the death of my husband.
But this is still really, really hard. I feel useless. I know I'm not, but that is how I feel.
So I decided to leave my garden and take my own advice. "Focus on what you can do, not what you can't." "It's ok to say 'It's just too much right now." So I'm sitting on my bed right now and nursing my teething baby while typing this one handed.
I don't know if hearing about my struggles will help you at all. I'm just here to say, I know this life if hard and I'm right here trying to do my best at it, just like you. And I know I have shared this verse before, but it really gives me so much comfort that I am going to share it again.
Because Jesus said this right before he was going to go through the hardest thing that anyone could ever go through: bearing the weight of the world and suffering unto death. And he knew what it was going to be like, so much so that he sweated blood and begged for there to be another way, and yet he still considered himself an overcomer. And he was. And you are, mama.
You are an overcomer.
That doesn't mean your problems will instantly vanish (although I do believe in miracles!). But it does mean that you have the strength to bear them. You are amazing, mama. And so, by golly, am I. I am NOT pathetic.
Lots if love and prayers,
Lee
I was crying because I was trying to pull up kale. And it hurt. It hurt too much to continue. But the pain wasn't the main reason for my tears. It was the frustration. The intense anger at the fact that I am so physically pathetic right now that I can't even pull up kale.
Just so you get the full picture I will disclose that the kale plants are almost as tall as I am and most of them have stocks that are at least four inches in diameter. Every fall I let the kale grow like crazy in my garden. We eat off it throughout the winter and spring and then it goes to seed and I pull it up right before planting my new garden. Keeps the weeds down, too.
So these plants are admittedly huge. But still! I'm 35 years old, I should be able to work in my own garden. I should not be dependent on my mother, who is coming over to help later, to get my garden in for me. At this stage in life I should be the one helping her with her garden! It's so, so frustrating.
I'm not trying to sound like an ungrateful whiner. Yes, I know things could be a lot worse. I'm not in a wheelchair or fighting cancer or struggling with infertility or mourning the death of my husband.
But this is still really, really hard. I feel useless. I know I'm not, but that is how I feel.
So I decided to leave my garden and take my own advice. "Focus on what you can do, not what you can't." "It's ok to say 'It's just too much right now." So I'm sitting on my bed right now and nursing my teething baby while typing this one handed.
I don't know if hearing about my struggles will help you at all. I'm just here to say, I know this life if hard and I'm right here trying to do my best at it, just like you. And I know I have shared this verse before, but it really gives me so much comfort that I am going to share it again.
Because Jesus said this right before he was going to go through the hardest thing that anyone could ever go through: bearing the weight of the world and suffering unto death. And he knew what it was going to be like, so much so that he sweated blood and begged for there to be another way, and yet he still considered himself an overcomer. And he was. And you are, mama.
You are an overcomer.
That doesn't mean your problems will instantly vanish (although I do believe in miracles!). But it does mean that you have the strength to bear them. You are amazing, mama. And so, by golly, am I. I am NOT pathetic.
Lots if love and prayers,
Lee
A thousand THUMBS UP!
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