The Hardest Part

I hurt.

For those that don't know, I had surgery two days ago. I've been suffering from chronic pain for the past 6 1/2 years. This surgery has been a long time coming. And now that it is done, I am on the long road to recovery (I hope!). But, though the physical pain is rough (every time I stand up it feels like my muscles are on fire!), its not the hardest part.

The black lines show where my two incisions are, they are each about 4 inches long.
I had mesh placed on my left hernia and she snipped some nerves and removed scar tissue on the right.

Before my surgery I had a lot of peace about the surgery, but I was worried about my baby. I've never been away from him that long, and it was rough on him. He napped some on daddy, but wouldn't take the bottle and spent a lot of the 5 hours we were apart crying. When they were in the cafeteria, he saw a lady with my hair color and my height and got all excited because he thought it was me. When he realized it wasn't, he cried more. So sad.

Now we are home, but he is still doing a lot of crying. He has a cold, and is miserable. Which is making the rest of us miserable. I can nurse him, but that is all I can do. I can't even lift him. I can't snuggle and rock him. I can't nurse him in his favorite position (me standing and swaying while his legs dangle). It is rough. 

I know it's not the end of the world. I know we are going to survive this. But my mommy heart is breaking because I can't comfort him the way I know he wants to be comforted. I can't use my mommy magic on him. 

Everyone else is doing a fantastic job helping. My husband is doing the work of both mama and daddy. We have a Grandma and Grami tag teaming to take care of the kids. We have friends and family generously lined up to bring us meals the next week and a half. We are so blessed.

Its very hard for me to realize that my job right now is to focus on getting better. As a mama of 5, I'm not used to focusing on myself. And I hate being so helpless. But I know that I just have to be patient. You'd think that I would be used to it after this long, but I don't like it when others have to take care of me. I like to be the caregiver!

I just want to honor you, mamas, by acknowledging your mama magic. We women are amazing. We work so hard for the people we love, and we do such a good job. You are doing a GREAT job. You are the glue that holds your family together. You rock.

If you are a praying mama, please continue to pray for my healing and my little ones. Thank you!

Lots of Love,

Lee