An Infertility Story

A personal story of loss and restoration

An Infertility Journey

Most of you don't know that my husband and I had to have fertility treatments to conceive our son, who is an incredible miracle!!

Our baby is 14 months now and I talked to my doctor about getting pregnant again. I have already had baby fever three times since he was born! At 6 months postpartum, I was ready to try again, and if it wasn't impossible for us to get pregnant without help we probably would've gone for it! Then when our baby turned 1 year, I got baby fever again, and was ready to start trying but with breastfeeding and irregular cycles it still didn't seem possible. Now it's two months later and we are getting closer and my excitement and anticipation is increasing. We didn't know if having a baby would ever be a possibility for us and we are so intensely grateful for our son, but the idea of having more, is just an incredible joy and honor.

I was having my Quiet Time with Jesus the other day and read the beautiful Psalm 30 "I praise You, Eternal One, You lifted me out of that deep, dark pit..." Infertility was a deep, horrible place of grief and loss, of questioning God, and feelings of deep agony.

"Eternal One, my True God, I cried out to You for help; You mended the shattered pieces of my life." I was shattered to pieces, my life felt so broken, so much pain. I remember reading this Psalm while in the midst of the brokenness of infertility, full of grief, and now I get to read it again, "You mended the shattered pieces of my life." He certainly has done that for me!

"O Eternal One, I called out to You; I pleaded for Your compassion..." And He gave it to me. God provided a dear counselor who knew my pain and spoke truth throughout my searching for direction and hope. As well as learning the most valuable truth that I've ever learned: God did not cause the brokenness, the sorrow, the grief, HE IS ONLY GOOD. Sin caused the brokenness and in my pain and hurt, God is still very near to me.

"You did it: You turned my deepest pains into joyful dancing; You stripped off my dark clothing and covered me with joyful light." The fulfillment of a life long dream, to get to carry and deliver a child. A dream to have more beautiful babies. The lifting of the "dark clothing" of grief and loss and shame, to have a miracle child, given to us by God.

"Eternal One, my God, my Life-Giver, I will thank You forever."

I will never forget what He's done for me and for my family. I will never forget the grief and the loss and God's presence of Love in the midst of it. I will never forget that the dreams God gives, He also fulfills! I will never forget the joy He has brought to our hearts and home and I will thank Him forever!

Much Love,

-Joy

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(The Voice Bible Translation used)