Favoritism in Parenting

I've been avoiding this blog for a long time...

It's not an easy topic and I'm afraid I will somehow miscommunicate and be misunderstood.

I wanted to talk to you about favoritism in parenting. Have you heard phrases like "She's the favorite child" or "That's the difficult child"? Phrases like these are used about children and I think often used lightly, but what they convey to the child is "You are loved differently." 

Do you remember in my blog When it Comes Back 'Round how I talked about my oldest being more work to connect with? She always has, to me and my husband both, been more of a challenge to connect to.

That sounds terrible, doesn't it?

How dare I speak about my child that way?

Here is what I wanted to share to YOU. If you have more than one child, you WILL connect differently to each child because they are DIFFERENT PEOPLE. 

My eldest is not very verbal and tends to say things in a way that can be awkward and have unintended offense. My middle child, on the other hand, is a talker and analytical like me, and I find it easier to connect because of our commonalities. My youngest is a baby, so of course I relate to him differently than my older children. 

"It's you and me Mom" -My Eldest <3

Our children our DIFFERENT people. They have different strengths and weaknesses. Different love languages and ways of connecting. They have different interests and passions. They are individuals. So why do we think we should relate to them all exactly the same? Why do we put shame on ourselves when one child is more easy to connect to while another takes more effort? 

The thread that binds a mother to her child is special, it's unique, it's iron-clad, it's forever! That thread is LOVE. That love is the core, the way you connect to your child is simply how you express that love. 

With my oldest we connect best working side-by-side, making a meal together, or working on school. We connect best when I take her on a "date" and we just hang out. She feels loved when I take the time to play a game with her. She needs me to give her hugs and encourage her often. It takes me more intentionality to make sure my eldest feels my love because it's not just talking as I go through my daily activities. I want to make sure she FEELS my love. I love her endlessly but I want her to KNOW it, to FEEL it. So that's where the effort comes in because we connect differently.

Painting is something me and my eldest 

really enjoy doing together.

So when you start feeling that guilt or shame. When you start to judge yourself for connecting more easily to one child then another, DON'T! You love your babies endlessly and unconditionally! Figure out how your children connect, how they feel loved best, and do that. That's all that matters, that they know and feel your love!

Much love,

-Joy

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