We Can Learn From Our Kids

I have a fear of cooking for people.

I love having people over to my house but I stress over the fact that I might let someone down with the food I make. I've actually let this fear limit me significantly. 

I've been slowly gaining confidence.

It's not that I'm a bad cook. My food is never burnt and it always tastes good... but, long ago, I had a negative response to my food, by my family and got teased/harassed about it for years after. It killed my willingness to share my food because I let the negative input steal my confidence. 

I'm getting past my fear now and stepping out, choosing to cook for others. I'm growing my confidence again. However, it's amazing how repeated negative input can have such a stunting effect on growth. How it can keep us from things it shouldn't. How much power it has..

My nine-year old has something against her math flash cards. My math-savvy one! She is quick witted and great at school but she will not memorize her basic addition and subtraction! I noticed this and started working with her on her flash cards the same as I had done with my older daughter with great success. With my nine year old, however, she stubbornly refused to memorize them. Maybe she felt it was easier just to count up and down as needed, I don't know. 

Finally, she realized (because her Teaching Textbook math program said the same thing I've been saying repeatedly) that I was right. I was so proud of this fact! But I didn't handle it with gentleness, I wasn't humble about it. I was annoyed at her refusal to learn her flash cards despite all my effort. When addition and subtraction came up in real life I found myself harping on her again over the fact that she wouldn't learn her flash cards...

Then the thought of how my confidence in my cooking for people had been so quickly destroyed by repeated negative input. Oh no!!! I was doing the same thing to my kid! Did I give endless praise for all she is succeeding at? No. But to have something she didn't succeed at I brought up over and over. 

As soon as I realized what I was doing I resolved to stop immediately, but I also realized I do it on more things than I realize so I spoke to my daughter. "Hey, if I'm mentioning something too much, please let me know, I don't mean to hurt your feelings. Can you respectfully let me know? Say something like 'Hey Mom, I got it.' or 'I hear you mom, can you please stop mentioning it.' " She said "okay" and we moved on. 

Hey Mama, we can learn a lot from our kids! They are vibrant, full of life, beautiful individuals. I encourage you to think of how things effect you and see if maybe your putting something similar on your child. Give your child the ability to speak to you, respectfully, of their needs and wants. It will help build a relationship that will last through the stages and ages. Your an amazing Mom! Keep up the good work!

-Joy


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