Joy in the Journey

A few years ago, I was in the worse pain of my life (outside of childbirth, of course). I was the victim of a botched hernia surgery and I still had a partially open hernia on the other side. My doctors and insurance were giving me the run around and I had no idea when, or even if, I could expect relief. I had four young children to care for and was waitressing during the busiest time of the year. Oh, and my husband was out of town. He was out of town to go to a Christian conference. We had talked over him going beforehand, of course, and I had agreed that he should go. He felt really led to this conference and it was literally a life changing experience for him so I am so glad he did attend. That didn't make single parenting in my condition that week any easier, though. I had help with babysitting the kids when I worked and even a few hours during the day a few of the days, and that helped. But the pain was still so, so intense. It brings tears to my eyes just remembering it. My h...

Recently, we've been getting our eldest daughter evaluated for special ed classes at our local public school. It's been a process... First, there was a phone call and lots of emails. Papers signed and enrollment completed and then a series of assessments (and we still haven't completed everything yet). During this process, I got the name of the curriculum that was going to be used for these classes and looked it up online to see if it was going to be a good fit. As I watched the video of one of these type of classes I saw a rigid, drill style class being held... Along with the information that each class was an hour and a half long! I had a lot of doubts. I sat down to discuss it with my husband and showed him the class. "Imagine doing that for an hour and a half?" I asked after he was sick of watching it after two minutes.  photo credit: wowvisiontherapy.com "I wanted an environment that will support and empower her." I said, feeling discouraged. This t...

 Are you familiar with the story of Elijah? He was a prophet in the Bible who performed some pretty amazing miracles. He was filled with the Holy Spirit and changed a nation with the way that God used him. image from riversidedc.org One of his most famous stories is the miracle on Mount Carmel. You can read about that in the 18th chapter of 1 Kings. Awesome stuff. Basically God used Elijah to prove His existence in a mighty way, and as a result many of Elijah's enemies were slain.  But not all of his enemies were defeated. In chapter 19 we find Elijah running for his life. We also find him feeling depressed and frustrated. But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a   broom tree. And he  prayed that he might die, and said, “It is enough! Now,  Lord , take my life, for I  am  no better than my fathers!” Now this guy had just done an amazing thing. He had called fire out of heaven and it had burned up a soaking ...

  Peace comes with a strange combination of letting go and pressing forward. My eldest child has had many struggles in a number of areas over the years. I always noticed that something seemed off with her social understandings and school has always held a lot of struggle for her as well. At times, I'd see improvements when lots of efforts was put forth and I could reason away the differences I saw as just taking time. It was only recently that we got answers for the root of those struggles. Having answers mixes feelings of loss with feelings of relief and realization. The greatest thing that answers about my daughter gave me was acceptance , was peace. Understanding of what was going on and better knowledge of who my daughter is. So, now what? Well, that's where that strange combination of letting go and pushing forward comes in. I can let go of the unreasonable expectations that I held of my daughter because now I know she's different and going to do things in her own way ...

 So, I’m pregnant! Baby number six is on the way. When this post is published, I will be almost 12 weeks into my pregnancy.  But this post isn’t about having more babies. It’s about nursing my toddler. Have you ever nursed while pregnant? I have. Baby number 3 was only 12 months old when we got pregnant with baby number 4 so I nursed him throughout the pregnancy. It was not an easy thing to do. Breast tenderness during the first trimester is a real thing, and even happens when you are breastfeeding. Then at 13 weeks I got a huge surge of milk. I was excited! I had read that a percentage of women lose their milk during pregnancy and I really wanted to nurse my little guy to as close to two years as possible. But by 14 weeks my milk had pretty much disappeared.  Let me tell you, dry nursing is no fun. At least it wasn’t for me. I found it very challenging. My skin only likes so much physical touch and I really felt touched out by it. But my toddler was content with just dry...

Well, ladies, I'm back.  Joy here.  All my pre-scheduled posts have been posted and my break away from blogging has ended. I have to admit I didn't know if I was going to make it back to blogging. I love the writing. I have continued to write. I love encouraging other moms, and to be honest, it often encourages me, but I still feel overwhelmed. I still feel like I'm at my max while seemingly doing just "normal stuff" of schooling and teaching and training and raising my kids. It's been exhausting, honestly. My preteens, well, now one is officially a TEENAGER! And my two year old doesn't do really well with my middle child... AND, my blogging time in the mornings is now dedicated to my eldest daughter's schooling because she really needs one-on-one learning. So, it wasn't really about the blog, it was about me. My limitation. So, I was stressing about what to do. So I decided to just get a Friday blog up and it was wonderful. Not the work part of it...

 Last week, I had a very OCD day... No, that does not mean I cleaned the house spotless. I'm here to say that obsessively cleaning the house is only ONE way that OCD can manifest itself. It can result in a ton of other behaviors. And everyone's OCD looks a little different. My OCD is not my own; it's my 7-year-old son who has the diagnosis.       Some days I can almost forget that my son's brain works differently than the rest of our family's. I've gotten used to his Tourette and OCD behaviors and helping him navigate them has kind of become second nature. Those are on his good days. Other days, it is painfully obvious that we are going to be fighting the battle all day. Sometimes the same battles, over and over again.  His doctor very accurately described it as playing a game of whack o' mole. You knock one intrusive thought or behavior down and another one pops up. Sometimes the same ones pop up over and over again and you have to keep whacking them....

*Awww* I just had a night out. *Happy contented smile* Just me and my hubby out to dinner. My aunt graciously babysat our three hooligans (they had a ton of fun together) and we got to have some time to ourselves. We took the long way to town, by way of a senic contry road. We looked at craftsman sytle homes, big porches, and open fields, cows and calves in the pastures as we drove by. We stopped and listened to the birds and looked at the sunset (I wish I'd taken a picture for you, it was beautiful). Then, we drove into town for dinner. We went to our usual place for even though I was feeling adventurous and willing to go some where new. I'm glad we went to our usual spot. With soft lighting and live music, it was perfect. We sat and listened to the music while we waited for a seat, my head bobbing along with the tune. Photo Credit: tripadvisor.com We sat, got a few drinks, and then I agonized over what to eat (I have food intolerances which make ordering at restaur...

 I. Am. Tired. I’ve been pretty much up since 3:30. The baby has pink eye and so was not sleeping great. I can’t imagine how he got it. I’m sure it has nothing to do with his habit of sneaking into the bathroom and splashing in the toilet. 🤦🏻‍♀️ There is so much that needs to be done today. Everywhere I look, there is something (or ten somethings). The dining room floor especially needs mopped. Again. Toddlers are such messy eaters! But I’m just so exhausted! I don’t want to do anything today. Well, at least not any work. Curling up with my favorite tv show or a good book sounds nice. Ordering pizza for lunch sounds heavenly. Skipping paying for this week’s groceries so I can hire a maid is a fantasy but I’d like to fantasize about it a little bit...Sigh... I’m not trying to make you feel sorry for me. I know I have a fantastic life and am so blessed. Nothing I've mentioned so far is anything that you haven't dealt with yourself. You are probably better at it than me. You pro...

My family just spent an entire month quarantined. Sure, it was the shortest month of the year, but it was still four weeks of seeing no one but my husband and kids (and my mom occasionally since my parents had gotten sick too). We've had a lot of time together. Some of it was really nice. Some of it was really tough.  I decided that my husband and I needed to celebrate the end of February 2021. So I planned a date night.  image from 123rf.com While planning Valentine's Day this year, I had fantasized about sending the kids to Grandma's for the night and getting a room for my hubby and I at a nice local place. Well, we still had COVID symptoms on Valentine's day so that didn't happen. Plus, I was apprehensive about leaving the baby overnight for the first time. So I decided our End-Of-COVID date night would just include a drive, dinner, and a little shopping.  And talking . I don't know about you, but sometimes my hubby and I find it hard to make time for deep, m...